Ready or Not and Possessive Partners

Life imitates art.

*major spoilers ahead for Ready or Not*

Last month, I watched Ready or Not (2019). Last month, I also watched a concerning amount of men display possessive and controlling behaviours towards their partners on social media. Both things depicted a very scary, dangerous narrative, more so because it is a reality for so many women. 

Ready or Not (2019) portrays Grace (Samara Weaving), a former foster child marrying into a wealthy family. Instead of indulging in an intimate wedding’s night, she is expected to participate in a ritual in the form of a game. It sounds innocent enough but it quickly turns violent and sinister. Grace’s husband, Alex (Mark O’Brien), failed to inform her about a few details about his family. His great-great grandfather made a deal with a man named Mr Le Bail, who we later understand to be the devil, and now all his family must play a game whenever someone marries into the family or else they’ll all die horribly. Alex also forgot to inform Grace that she picked the worst game. ‘Hide and Seek’ in the Le Domas mansion means the hider must be sacrificed by dawn.

Watching Ready or Not, we share Grace’s frustrations about Alex’s secrets. Why the hell didn’t he tell her?! Alex tells Grace that he knew if he told her about his family, she would leave him. Grace goes through a night of hell trying to escape her in-laws and she is eventually caught and captured by her brother-in-law Daniel (Adam Brody) after he realises his father is nearby. Daniel is sympathetic towards Grace throughout the night and attempts to save Grace by subduing his family with poison in the ritual cups but he is shot by his wife, Charity (Elyse Levesque). Grace is then attacked by her mother-in-law, Becky (Andie MacDowell), but Grace fights back, bludgeoning her to death. When Alex realises that Grace won’t stay married to him after the events of the night, he restrains her so the family can complete the ritual. That scene is the ribbon tied around the selfish package that is Alex Le Domas. He would rather kill Grace than not have her. ‘If I can’t have you, no one can’ is possessive partner 101. 

Men believe that they have their partners rather than being with them. When their partners don’t go along with this belief, men proceed to make it everyone else’s problem. Keke Palmer’s then partner, Darius Daulton Jackson disparaged her for wearing a provocative outfit at an Usher concert. Jackson said in response to a tweet of Palmer at the concert “It’s the outfit tho… you a mom.” In the face of the backlash, Jackson doubled down, citing beliefs of traditional values for the reason behind his tweets.

Feminism and the ensuing evaluation and dismissal of traditional values has unfortunately empowered men’s audacity. They pick and choose the parts of progressive and traditional beliefs to build a life that only suits them. Darius is not the breadwinner in the household and is a father to a child he had out of wedlock yet he feels entitled to the archaic belief of being in control of his partner. People were quick to point out his hypocrisy, as Jackson himself has shared provocative videos of Palmer, complimenting the changes the birth of ‘his’ son brought to his partner. Jackson has also shared revealing pictures of himself on social media. It’s alright when he brags about ‘having’ a beautiful woman but it’s a problem when she also acknowledges it. People have insecurities, of course, and that’s fine. But Darius’ decision to share those insecurities publicly instead of communicating with Keke is not fine. It shows that he doesn’t respect her. Even when women give birth, arguably fulfilling the most traditional role of all, it’s not enough for men to show care to them. In Ready or Not, Alex makes vows to love and protect Grace, but he still centres his psychotic family. Darius involves the internet in his issues that should have only been between him and Keke, with no care for her feelings. Such selfishness shouldn’t be in a relationship.

Just a few days later, surfing instructor Sarah Brady’s ex Jonah Hill was exposed in a series of texts Brady shared on her Instagram story. In the texts, Hill expresses that his ‘boundaries’ are that Brady shouldn’t post pictures of her in swimsuits on her Instagram or surf with men. This situation, again shows that men are using positive language to further their abusive behaviour. Boundaries are the lines we draw for ourselves in terms of our level of comfort around others. Not wanting your partner around other men or to share pictures of herself in swimwear, to be very kind, is a preference. To be unkind, as these men deserve, it’s controlling and unacceptable behaviour. It matters more to men like Jonah Hill and Alex Le Domas that their partner is their possession due to the change in their relationship rather than the woman’s feelings or freedom.

Texts from Hill that Brady shared on her Instagram story.

Men follow a pattern: the behaviours that women exhibit when they’re courting now becomes a problem when they put a label on it. In the evergreen words of Trevor Noah’s mother, “...the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He’s attracted to independent women. “He’s like an exotic bird collector,” she said. “He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.” This situation is seen in Halle Bailey’s partner, up and coming musician, DDG. DDG’s disrespectful behaviour is not new but his act last month really takes the cake. He shared lyrics from his new song, ‘Famous.’ The lyrics state that he deliberately misbehaved on social media to derail Bailey’s success in her latest film The Little Mermaid. He admits he’s insecure and implies Bailey triggers it by doing her damn job. Again, men go about managing their insecurities wrong, they make it their partner’s problem and make it public. DDG shines the spotlight on his insecurities instead of his partner’s success. DDG and Alex Le Domas, as long as they’re happy having their partners, their partner’s happiness in being with them is an afterthought.

Lyrics to ‘Famous’ by DDG.

Being sacrificed for a satanic ritual by your in-laws is an unlikely situation that a woman will find herself in. But having your partner flip the switch on you is a common reality. As seen in the discussion surrounding these 3 men, we’re becoming more outspoken about this behaviour and calling it what it is: abuse. Women deserve so much better, even if it means being alone, surrounded by flames and covered in blood. Better that than in bad company.